Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Ups and downs on the job trail

Being unemployed really sucks; it removes so many of the structured activities by which we get through a day and appraise ourselves. I'm applying for positions all over the country and hoping that something will stick on the wall; staying in Arizona is highly unlikely, and that's depressing because we've loved it here. Waiting for a phone call of interest or invitation to interview, and not going nuts when any response seems to take an eternity is requiring great faith for me.

I feel like I'm bipolar, bouncing between feelings of teary-eyed depression and optimistic conviction for the future. Deep down, I believe that this is in the Lord's hands, and that 'somewhere there's a place for us,' yet then I feel like I'm the Tony guy laying on the ground with a bullet in my chest. As the weeks are marching by without a paycheck, anxiety about the reality of the mortgage and 'what in the world are we going to do with the house?' is getting oppressive. It's then I tell myself that I'll get my tithing paid up, and even if it all falls apart and we have to turn the keys into the bank: "So what? its just money, no big deal!" comes into play. I've got my loving family, and that's what is really important. And it's exciting to think of a new area to discover, a new start on a job, and a new set of friends to get to know and love.

So here's to Pres. Eyring, and remembering what the Lord has done for me lately:

Right now there are two potential jobs with major companies I hope to continue to interview for. One of them progressed quite positively and then went on hold for a couple of weeks. The other opportunity I thought would move quickly, but it has stalled out too. This was discouraging to me, and then I realized that if both come back into gear at the same time and move toward job offers, then I can play them against the other. "Hope springs eternal."

An opportunity came up yesterday with a recruiter whose name came to mind while I was praying. The open position would be returning to a previous employer. Even if it goes nowhere, just the opportunity to talk to the person I owe a conversation to would be a great thing.

Yesterday we found out that a huge charge on our credit card ($9475) which we've had in dispute for over six months has been credited back to us--what a blessing!

And being home with my chosen companion, sorting through stuff and getting through a chaos that has piled up over the years and having so much time to talk about what we want out of our life ahead has been a really good thing too.

Gosh, we should all be unemployed every so often! Still, forced vacations are no picnic. Anybody want to buy a car?


J G-W said...

If this were to happen to me, I hope I would be able to move forward with the equanimity you are showing. But I think you are right. It's these rare tests of adversity that give us a chance to find out whether those spiritual resources we've been trying to develop in times of peace and prosperity can actually stand us in good stead. I continue to keep you in my prayers.

Anonymous said...

12 years ago i was rif'd; did some temp work for six months, then found a new opening with my old employer so didn't have to move. that plus a generous severance package kept us okay, and when i restarted you can be sure i was mr smiley, first-one-in-the-office, yes-man, ad nauseum.

unfortunately, i've done some backsliding, and though i don't want to see that pink slip again, i need to keep reminding myself, that no one is indispensable.

Parallel Mormon said...

Bobbing Gecko: You will be in my prayers. You are a beautiful gay man, one who truly cares and you have made a difference in my life. If I could I'd stretch my arms out and give you a tight brotherly hug. You spoke of reverberations earlier. I pray that those good reverberations come to you for all you've done for me and so many others. Love, J

gentlefriend said...

Hey, let me in on that group hug! I, too, would like to embrace you with appreciation for the compassion and hope that radiates from your writing and poetry.

When my familiar roles such as employment have been ripped away, I have felt anxiously off balance as if I was returning to that terrible adolescent period, dependent on others and hating it. If I let those negative voices work on me, my very identity can the threatened. I, too have had feelings of depression. But depression is anger turned on yourself and you can fight those satanic voices. "Go to Hell, Satan!" God has said, "Search diligently, pray always, and be believing and all things will work together for your good." (D&C 90:24)

It is so good that you are focusing on what you are instead of what you are not and what you can do instead of what you can't and what you have.

Thank you for the light you are to me.