Last week I had a great time interviewing with four different companies, and not much time for anything else. The trip to Denver was fantastic; I came home so excited with the possibility of working for this company. Then I had another great phone conversation with a major company who wants to fly me to their headquarters to be considered for an innovation team they are forming. That would be neat, too!
However, all the while, my wife is beginning to worry about the reality of leaving Arizona and the new dimensions that will surround our lives. We are now 'empty-nesters,' and the rules are changing about what to take with us and what to leave behind. I think my wife is wondering where she fits into the wagon of my future. We have an open, mutually supportive marriage. But lately, my wife has been experiencing anxiety around the theme of "Do you need me?"
This has given me some cause to consider just what it is that I value the most. I could honestly say "No, not really," but that fits only a small part of my feelings. Pragmatically, I may not "need" her; nor could I deny that at times I wish I had a man partner to connect with. But this doesn't jive with the tremendous respect I have for her as a wonderful person who I love dearly, who others love dearly. She, along with me, has paid her dues in our family and relationship. I don't want to imagine life without her, the simple friendship and intimacies we share.
True love isn't based on need, it is based on choice, deep feeling and abiding commitment. My true love is spiritual and reflects the relationship I have with God. My attractions to same gender are based on hunger for intimate understanding and connection. The same goes for heterosexual attractions by my spouse, brothers and sisters, every human being. Connection is a need, but it is not necessarily love. True love goes beyond need to devotion. My true love helps me realize this.
"No Sweetie, I will not leave you behind in the desert. I love you because I simply do."